Aug 15, 2011

Where I Have Been…

August 15, 2011 By 33 Comments

The past few weeks have been really rough for me. Not only was I dealing with an upcoming surgery, the surgery and the aftermath but in all honestly… I broke down. Literally locked myself in the bathroom and cried for two hours. For a year now, I’ve wanted others to think I didn’t lose my positive attitude, my strength… but I did. The only thing I know I did NOT lose is my faith. I love being the person others look to for these things and the encouragement I know I’m known for. I realized I can’t be all of that when I am so down. I cannot be the person I want to be for others when I’m not dealing with my own demons.

I love to write and share with you. Hoping to encourage you in the things life brings! Lately, I have felt empty and had some major writers block. I wasn’t dealing with my own weakness or questions on why my loved ones and I have to go through this cancer and another scare. I was fighting a depression that I’ve dealt with before. I thought I could fight my way through it, I have many times. However, this time it got the best of me. It was time to take a break to deal with my emotions and this is where I have been.

I actually took two whole weeks offline and it felt great! I read 12 Linda Lael Miller books (no I am  not exaggerating!) I have had conversations with God. Spent quality time with my children and my husband. Much needed time to heal me. I know there are some out there that think because I have not gone to church regularly since my surgery on my thyroid, that I have lost my faith. I should not have to prove this to you… however I will tell you that I am closer to God now than I have ever been. I have realized what He wants from me. And in all honestly, it’s not to spend all of my time at church. Yes I need to go back and plan to but I also know that God doesn’t need me at church 24/7. That is not where He is calling me to. And of all people, the church should understand that I am obeying what He has for me to do.

With all of that said and in the open. I am still dealing with the depression. I know that depression takes time to get out of. God is helping me and holding me through it all. Right now there are his footprints in the sand with one extra foot. I’m getting there.

The last thing I want is pity however prayers and good thoughts are always an encouragement! Thank you to those who have been with me through this whole journey. Those who do not care if I am a Christian or not or not caring if I’m going to church or not. Just caring for me as a human being. For that I am forever grateful.

Especially my Social Media Moms Group… thank you for being true friends and always being there for me! Never have I had such amazing friends. It’s awesome that God has given me such beautiful people to share my life with. Half of you I’ve never met face to face and I feel like I’ve known you all forever! It’s a true blessing to know you have friends backing you up and encouraging you like you all have for me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!

Blessings to each of you,

Chele

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  • http://twitter.com/notdiyheather Heather

    Hugs, Chele! I have prayed for you many, many times in the last 2 weeks. I know God will continue to hold you close. You’re doing the right thing in taking time for Him and your family. They need you more than we do. Love you!

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Thank you Heather…. I love you and miss you!! I desperately need a Heather and Chele conversation soon!

  • http://profiles.google.com/erinclane Erin Lane

    Huge hugs!  Am glad you are on the road to recovery — both mentally and physically. 

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      HUGS right back at ya! Thanks Erin! :)

  • http://www.mommybknowsbest.com Jennifer Bullock

    Thank you for sharing, pouring your heart out and being so open to what God has in store for you. As long as you are listening He will give you direction. So glad you’re feeling better! Just know you have so many people cheering you on!! Love you girl~

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Love you to Jen! Thank you! xoxo

  • Melissa

    Glad to see you back!  I have been on a similar journey this month and know what it is to break down.  {{hugs}}

  • Melissa

    Glad to see you back!  I have been on a similar journey this month and know what it is to break down.  {{hugs}}

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Melissa, thank you so much for sharing I’m not alone! HUGS right back at ya! xoxo

  • Melissa

    Glad to see you back!  I have been on a similar journey this month and know what it is to break down.  {{hugs}}

  • http://www.wombattheinnsane.com Kadi Prescott

    I beg to differ, even if it makes you want to choke me. It did not get the best of you. You are STILL HERE. Only when we give up on life can we admit defeat. You are a fighter and as long as you continue to get up each day, even if you cry in the bathroom, you continue to win the battle. Fight on, sister. We love you.

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      LOL, want to choke you? I think not! You are very very right! LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/rajean rajean

    I’ve always had a firm belief in ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.’ Hello? We’re still here. Gaining strength by the minute. I actually think it takes a strong person to take the time to cry. It is cleansing, reaffirming. Hugs to my sister from another mother whom I’ve not yet met in person. So, there. Love ~

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Thank you so much! Love ya! :)

  • http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

    Continuing to pray for you, friend! God is enough. Hold on tight!

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Thank you Ashley, xoxo. :)

  • http://myhomeinthesmokies.blogspot.com/ Joy Ellis

    *hugs*  I will always be here for you!  Still praying for you too.  Just keep having the faith.  Always remember that God will never leave you!  :)

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Thank you my sweet friend! xoxo

  • Anonymous

    Hey friend!  I’ve been thinking of you often!  Thanks for the update and know that you are covered in prayer :)

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Hi Aurie!! Thank you so much!! Hope you are well!

      • Anonymous

        We are doing really well, thanks :) Enjoying the last bits of summer!!

        Subject: [thebonafidelife] Re: Where I Have Been…

  • http://www.adventuroo.com Adventuroo

    I’m glad that God is guiding you through this. Thinking of you and sending prayers!

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Thanks so much Melissa! xoxo

  • http://shanamama.blogspot.com Shana

    I have missed you hun but I am so glad you were able to have this time for yourself and that you are getting back to yourself. I have been thinking about you every day & praying for you. You are such an inspirational person & just reading this post even while you are down I can just imagine you smiling & just the fact that you have not lost your faith & that it continues to grow stronger is a testament to how amazing you truly are. Love yah

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Shana, you just made me cry!! It did make me smile to publish this. :) Thank you so much for being an amazing friend!! xoxo

  • http://typeaparent.com Kelby Carr

    Oh Chele! You have been through so much, so I think a social media break was probably just what you needed. I hope it helped! I have been thinking of you, especially with the surgery. I am so glad it went well. Let me know if you need anything at all! 

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      It did help my sanity for sure! lol. Thanks Kelby… love ya! {{{AWKWARD HUGS}}} lol

  • http://twitter.com/gardenJess Jessica

    *hug* 

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Thanks girl! :) Love my hugs now!

  • Amber

    Chele – Kauffman’s don’t go down easy! You’ve carried so much around for such a long time and every now and then it’s okay to un-do the straps and set it down. I’m so very proud of you. First – for laying your cards on the table for EVERYONE to see. Frankly that takes guts. Second – for brushing yourself off and moving forward. You go girl! Miss you!  :)

    • http://www.thebonafidelife.net Chele

      Amber, Thank you so much!!!! Papaw taught us all so much and I try to picture him cheering me on and it helps! I miss you too and love you lots!!! xoxo P.S. This is the best comment I think I have ever had. :) Means the world to me that you took time to comment here.

  • Erika

    Hugs to you Chele, and praying for you also. Sorry things have been so rough, I know we all have to go through storms and God tests us with these and He also blesses us. Hope things are better quickly for you.
    blessings

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