The past few weeks have been really rough for me. Not only was I dealing with an upcoming surgery, the surgery and the aftermath but in all honestly… I broke down. Literally locked myself in the bathroom and cried for two hours. For a year now, I’ve wanted others to think I didn’t lose my positive attitude, my strength… but I did. The only thing I know I did NOT lose is my faith. I love being the person others look to for these things and the encouragement I know I’m known for. I realized I can’t be all of that when I am so down. I cannot be the person I want to be for others when I’m not dealing with my own demons.
I love to write and share with you. Hoping to encourage you in the things life brings! Lately, I have felt empty and had some major writers block. I wasn’t dealing with my own weakness or questions on why my loved ones and I have to go through this cancer and another scare. I was fighting a depression that I’ve dealt with before. I thought I could fight my way through it, I have many times. However, this time it got the best of me. It was time to take a break to deal with my emotions and this is where I have been.
I actually took two whole weeks offline and it felt great! I read 12 Linda Lael Miller books (no I am not exaggerating!) I have had conversations with God. Spent quality time with my children and my husband. Much needed time to heal me. I know there are some out there that think because I have not gone to church regularly since my surgery on my thyroid, that I have lost my faith. I should not have to prove this to you… however I will tell you that I am closer to God now than I have ever been. I have realized what He wants from me. And in all honestly, it’s not to spend all of my time at church. Yes I need to go back and plan to but I also know that God doesn’t need me at church 24/7. That is not where He is calling me to. And of all people, the church should understand that I am obeying what He has for me to do.
With all of that said and in the open. I am still dealing with the depression. I know that depression takes time to get out of. God is helping me and holding me through it all. Right now there are his footprints in the sand with one extra foot. I’m getting there.
The last thing I want is pity however prayers and good thoughts are always an encouragement! Thank you to those who have been with me through this whole journey. Those who do not care if I am a Christian or not or not caring if I’m going to church or not. Just caring for me as a human being. For that I am forever grateful.
Especially my Social Media Moms Group… thank you for being true friends and always being there for me! Never have I had such amazing friends. It’s awesome that God has given me such beautiful people to share my life with. Half of you I’ve never met face to face and I feel like I’ve known you all forever! It’s a true blessing to know you have friends backing you up and encouraging you like you all have for me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!
Blessings to each of you,