Aug 15, 2011

Where I Have Been…

August 15, 2011 By 33 Comments

The past few weeks have been really rough for me. Not only was I dealing with an upcoming surgery, the surgery and the aftermath but in all honestly… I broke down. Literally locked myself in the bathroom and cried for two hours. For a year now, I’ve wanted others to think I didn’t lose my positive attitude, my strength… but I did. The only thing I know I did NOT lose is my faith. I love being the person others look to for these things and the encouragement I know I’m known for. I realized I can’t be all of that when I am so down. I cannot be the person I want to be for others when I’m not dealing with my own demons.

I love to write and share with you. Hoping to encourage you in the things life brings! Lately, I have felt empty and had some major writers block. I wasn’t dealing with my own weakness or questions on why my loved ones and I have to go through this cancer and another scare. I was fighting a depression that I’ve dealt with before. I thought I could fight my way through it, I have many times. However, this time it got the best of me. It was time to take a break to deal with my emotions and this is where I have been.

I actually took two whole weeks offline and it felt great! I read 12 Linda Lael Miller books (no I am  not exaggerating!) I have had conversations with God. Spent quality time with my children and my husband. Much needed time to heal me. I know there are some out there that think because I have not gone to church regularly since my surgery on my thyroid, that I have lost my faith. I should not have to prove this to you… however I will tell you that I am closer to God now than I have ever been. I have realized what He wants from me. And in all honestly, it’s not to spend all of my time at church. Yes I need to go back and plan to but I also know that God doesn’t need me at church 24/7. That is not where He is calling me to. And of all people, the church should understand that I am obeying what He has for me to do.

With all of that said and in the open. I am still dealing with the depression. I know that depression takes time to get out of. God is helping me and holding me through it all. Right now there are his footprints in the sand with one extra foot. I’m getting there.

The last thing I want is pity however prayers and good thoughts are always an encouragement! Thank you to those who have been with me through this whole journey. Those who do not care if I am a Christian or not or not caring if I’m going to church or not. Just caring for me as a human being. For that I am forever grateful.

Especially my Social Media Moms Group… thank you for being true friends and always being there for me! Never have I had such amazing friends. It’s awesome that God has given me such beautiful people to share my life with. Half of you I’ve never met face to face and I feel like I’ve known you all forever! It’s a true blessing to know you have friends backing you up and encouraging you like you all have for me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!

Blessings to each of you,

Chele

Filed Under: Cancer, Faith, Life, Technology Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
Jul 19, 2011

Cancer is Cancer No Matter What Type You Have

July 19, 2011 By 11 Comments

Last year when I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer I was told this “If you are going to have cancer, this is the best kind to have.”  There are many problems with this statement for me. However, I have learned one thing that cancer is cancer, no matter what type you have!

 

From the Breast Cancer 5K in June

Back in June, I took part in my first 5K. I was honored by my friends for my fight with thyroid cancer. However, I was a little taken back about it because the 5K was for breast cancer not thyroid or even cancer in general. It felt kind of weird to have it in honor of me. I was still grateful for their love for a friend they just met last year. This is one reason I had trouble saying I will participate. I know breast cancer is growing rapidly. I actually have family and friends that have had issues with breast cancer or scares. The problem I have with this whole cancer thing is that my type of cancer is growing rapidly and killing people too. It’s just not in the news, yet.

 

I had to put in my head that cancer is cancer no matter what kind you have!

 

Quite honestly, I was jealous. I was jealous that my cancer was not a big deal in the public eye, when it’s such a big deal to me and my family. I want the world to know that my cancer is deadly too. That my cancer is absolutely important and my cancer fight is just as scary as any other cancer. As my post last week shows, my journey is still continuing.

 

The statement that my cancer is the one to have if I’m going to have cancer, means nothing to me. It only angers me. I will be fighting this for the rest of my life. My family has been affected. My children will now have to write on their medical forms that their Mom has cancer and they will most likely be tested occasionally as well. They now have the same scare for the rest of their lives. This whole statement made me feel like I should not be sharing how I feel about it because they made it sound like it was not a big deal. I struggled for at least 9 months now with allowing myself to feel all the emotions of cancer. All because of a statement all doctors use when it comes to thyroid cancer.

 

Any cancer is scary. Any cancer can kill you. All cancers give the person and their families the same emotions. And, we all continue to fight every single day.

 

I have now learned cancer is cancer no matter what type you have!! It has taken me a long time to accept this very thing and to realize we are all in this together! I am NOT alone.

Just being bona fide,

Chele

Filed Under: Cancer, Family, Life Tagged With: , , ,
Jul 12, 2011

The Journey Continues

July 12, 2011 By 40 Comments

“To get through the hardest journey we need to only take one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping.” ~Chinese Proverb

 

I thought it was time for an update on my health. August will be a year since all of the health issues started. You can read more about my health and cancer journey here. This past year has been a very scary health journey and does NOT look like it’s stopping anytime soon either. So the journey continues…

This past year I have had heart issues (still having them), borderline diabetes, high cholesterol and Thyroid Cancer. I am still working on the heart issues with my cardiologist. The sugar issues come and go and I’m learning what works for me. My cholesterol is still high and they have changed my medicine. I really need to work more on my diet.

As for the Thyroid Cancer. This past year has gone like this: Blood work, ultrasound, Biopsy, most likely cancer, surgery (Total Thyroidectomy), definitely cancer, Radioactive Iodine Treatment and months of messing with my medicine to get my thyroid hormone levels up to the norm. Including changing surgeons and Endocrinologists (both 2nd opinions) I am finally there.

It has taken 6 months for me to start feeling good. My energy has been back (for the most part) and my hope was restored.

However, a few weeks ago I went to the gynecologist due to having a horrible time of month and it has just become worse since my Thyroidectomy. He wanted to go ahead and do a hysterectomy but had to do an ultrasound first to double check things. He diagnosed me with adenomyosis similar to endometriosis. They did an ultrasound and found a mass in my uterus. My ovaries are fine but not my uterus. On August 8th they will perform the major surgery to take out my uterus.

The doctor says “it is unlikely it is cancer however you are now considered a cancer patient. We must treat it as so and take it out to get it to pathology. Yes it could be cancer but it also could NOT be cancer.”

I honestly felt okay about it when they told me a few weeks ago but the more I think about it, the more scared I get. My positiveness, hope and yes my faith are still there! I’m just weary. So if I’m quiet here it is because my journey is continuing. I will keep you updated on my recovery and diagnosis when it’s done.

As much as YOU have been here for me, no matter if it was since the beginning or just today, I owe you this much.

Please keep me and my family (who goes through all of this with me) in your prayers and thoughts during this journey. I am not going anywhere, I am still here and will continue to blog.

Blessings to each of you,

Chele

Filed Under: Cancer, Faith, Life Tagged With: , , , ,
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